Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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