i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Two words: nipple clamps
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