i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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