My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
