we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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