Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
