Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he fucked my hip out of place.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
