so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my poor anus
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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