nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
