we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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