why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
