you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
