Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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