So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
