Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
