I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
