Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You ruined the universe
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
