I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
