what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They took my balls.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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