You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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