well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
