I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
