Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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