Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
