Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
