So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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