i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
