who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm gonna have a badass scar
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
