Cold hands, warm shart.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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