Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
