It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
