How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
