filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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