I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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