I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
