i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
