Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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