Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
