Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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