I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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