i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He felt like a one man threesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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