chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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