Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am one with the molecules
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
