Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
