we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
