I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
