I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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