Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
