Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
