i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
