M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I looked at my own cervix.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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