I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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