I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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