yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
