I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
