At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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