The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
